saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
