im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
