i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
