she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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