I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
whose parrot is this?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
