My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
