Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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