I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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