He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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