the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
