i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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