Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
