There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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