i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
