I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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