I puked a lego.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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