i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish you could order shots online.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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