I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
