I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
