hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
