Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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