I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
