Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
