Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
