I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
