He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
