Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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