I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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