So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
