Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
