# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
