I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
