Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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