Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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