I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
