I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
