Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
