and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
