U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
