Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
