Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
