I have demons in me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
