She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
