the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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