how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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