I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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