Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
