Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
