so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
