Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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