Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
