The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
