he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
