so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
