i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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