I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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