Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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