is your mom at the bar?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
