i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize