On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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