I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
